ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize