I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
