How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize