There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
be right there i have to get my cape
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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