He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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