never play flip cup with pint glasses
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
