her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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