Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
