if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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