Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
