She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
