I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
