Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
