Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
