I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
