The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize