i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
