I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize