I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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