Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
