im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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