So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
