I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize