I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
