If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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