I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
