it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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