apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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