i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
