i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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