Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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