Someone shit on the floor
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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