I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
