He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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