Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
