Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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