Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
