I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
