Where is the hickey?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mom said you looked used
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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