definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
