Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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