I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
