we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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