Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
