tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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