When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
