I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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