I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
