3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
