Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
