But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
