You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
