i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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