He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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