I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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