i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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