Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
