Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
