Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
