She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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