His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
