No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
