i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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