Rock
Scissors
Fuck
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
