who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
