my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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