why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
