you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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