i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
