Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
