The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
why is half of my head shaved?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
