I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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