i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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