I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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